Because the Night
by RockinTheOC
Summary: This is messy, and it is fast and hot and fervent, some of the same adjectives that can describe what they have between them. Future fic. N/B centric. Very mature content, rated R at least. R&R, please!
1. the end of the affair

_I am kind of at an impasse with my other two stories, so I just kind of came up with this idea and started writing. The story probably won't be very long--it's a future fic with Nate and Blair, very angsty, very conflicting, that kind of thing. It's very graphic and explicit, so please don't read this if you're not of age. The title is based on the Patti Smith song (or the cover done by 10,000 Maniacs). _

**Rating: M, for very mature. Please, don't read this if you are not of age. **

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the show, not the book, not the songs._

**Because the night...**

Chapter One: the end of the affair

Her back bangs hard against the stainless steel refrigerator door, the cool metallic surface relieving some of the heat she feels. He pushes against her body, fondling her hair, her arms, whatever part of her he can get. Her body is once again set ablaze and her mind is dizzy.

His lips crash onto hers as he pushes her up against the door harder, rubbing her body with his as they both fight for breath. She clutches at his back, trying to increase the pressure of him on her.

This is messy, and it is fast and hot and fervent, some of the same adjectives that can describe what they have between them.

His hand slips up her skirt, hiking it all the way up to her waist revealing her tanned, toned legs. He stares straight into her eyes as she sucks a deep breath in, letting her eyes roll back into her skull. His hand grazes her mound, making her shudder against him. After all these years, he can still do this to her. After all these years, he still knows what to do.

His mouth moves to her neck, sucking softly at her taut flesh. He rips her blouse open, revealing her breasts about to overflow out of her black lace demi-bra.

Her hands move all over his chest, feeling his muscles underneath his dress shirt. She deftly unbuttons his shirt, like she has many times before but she knows this time will be different. She should go slowly, she should try to remember how this will feel, but there is little time.

His fingers find her aching clit and rub it gently through the very thin and very damp material of her panties. She grinds her pelvis against his hand, softly moaning into his ear. She avoids ever saying his name out loud; it is too much of a reminder of how wrong this is. He buries his face into her chest, smelling the mixture of sweat, sex, and vanilla. He bites into the material between her breasts, looking up at her as she bites her own chapped lips. She runs her hands over his chest feeling it rise and fall with quick and shallow breaths. She moves her hands up into his hair, pulling his face up to hers, and kissing him long and slow, feeling his tongue struggle against hers.

Only a further reminder of how it will always be a struggle with him.

He grabs her ass with both hands, squeezing it and kneading it, not breaking contact with her mouth. She moans into his lips as he paws at her body. She slips her skirt off, his hands helping to pull it off, and she stands there in her bra and panties, looking like the sexy siren she is. Her wavy locks whip across his face as she begs him to touch her. He takes a bra strap in his fingers and slips it off her shoulder. He kisses a line from her collarbone to the other bra strap and removes it with his mouth. She struggles to get out of the confines of the garment, and with one smooth stroke, he undoes the clasp and tosses it aside.

He cups her face with his hands and looks into her eyes before moving his hands down to her breasts, softly massaging them with his fingers. The suppleness of her flesh filling his palms is turning him on so much. He kisses the nape of her neck with short quick pecks. Her head tilts back as he lowers his mouth onto her nipple, sucking and licking her, taking her into his mouth. He puts his arms around her tiny waist to steady himself, as he licks a line from her breasts down her abdomen.

She stands on her tiptoes in her Christian Louboutin black patent leather peep-toe heels, stretching out, as he kisses her feet up her calves to her inner thighs. He rubs her silky, pale skin, parting her legs with his hands. She looks down at him, and licks her lips in anticipation. He slides his fingers underneath the lace material of her thong and pulls it down, revealing her hot bare skin to the air. He blows a cool stream of air onto her and she shivers, moving her hips away from him. She pulls him up and kisses his mouth, undoing his belt and slipping his pants off of his legs. He kicks them off, and pushes her up against the refrigerator once more; having the cool metal against her bare body is driving her insane. She feels him hard against her, and she brushes her hand in front of his boxers causing him to pull away in agony.

He bites on her other breast as he inserts a finger deep inside her. She arches her back giving him better access. She screams out, and he wants to hear it again and again. She digs her nails into his flesh, leaving angry marks on his back. She wants to leave a little reminder of where he is, where he has been. Maybe _she_ will see it. _She_ hasn't thus far. She wraps one long leg around his torso as he searches her eyes for any sort of hesitation at all. He does not break the stare. She rubs up against him as his finger slides smoothly in and out of her, methodically, rhythmically. She moves her hips in time with his finger which is moving more quickly. He inserts another finger into her as she gasps and cries out, jerking her body about. She bites his shoulder hard, drawing the tiniest prick of blood. He clasps her clit between his thumb and forefinger of his other hand and teases her as she shakes above him. He kisses her hard and knows she will be close. He is aware of all the signs by now. Her chest tightens as her pulse quickens. She lets out some whimpers as she nears her orgasm. "Oh god...please don't stop. Don't stop…I want you so bad." She plants her leg back on the ground and her legs both weaken as she comes, panting, her chest heaving up and down in his face. She bends over his shoulders, steadying herself against his strong body.

He picks her up and carries her to the bedroom. He lays her on her back and climbs over her, careful not to crush her with his weight. He blows a raspberry onto her stomach, caressing her skin in a way she knows no one else ever can. He reaches his destination and smirks at her, knowing full well what is about to happen. She parts her thighs and groans as she feels him slide his warm tongue into her. He reaches up and grabs her breast squeezing along with the beat of his tongue's strokes. He looks at the dreamy stare in her eyes, as she strokes his hair, softly massaging his scalp as he licks her slowly and deliberately, coming from the back of her slit to her clit. Her inner muscles contract against his mouth as he gingerly touches her butt and her breasts. Her legs lay over his shoulders, contracting tightly against his head as she comes again. She brushes the hair out of his eyes and flips him over onto his back.

His erection struggles against the black cotton of his boxer briefs as she gets up on all fours and kisses him long and deep, rubbing her wetness against his. He takes a breast into his mouth as she leans on her arms above him, rocking her pelvis up against his hardness. "I need you. I want to be inside you," he tells her. She only nods, he doesn't have to say anything because she already knows. She traces the lines of his body down his neck with her tongue, over his chest down to his rectus abdominalis muscles, pausing to seductively stare up at him. He knows what is coming, but she wants to tease him just that much more. She breathes hot, heavy air over his throbbing erection through the material of the boxers, and he can not wait any longer. He forces his hands into the material to try to push the undergarment off, but she stops him.

"Patience is a virtue." She winks at him, and he is sure if she doesn't take care of him right then and there, the sight of her sweaty, dripping naked body will be enough to make him explode. She flips her hair away from her face and leans down, taking an edge of his boxers into her mouth, slowly peeling them off his body. Her tongue darts out and licks him once, making his whole body quiver.

His breaths are shallow and quick. His heart feels like it will beat out of his chest. She takes him into her mouth, and he about loses it with all the warmth and wetness of her mouth on him. Her head bobs up and down on him, gently teasing him with her tongue. She licks his shaft and massages his balls in her hands, making him groan in pleasure. She wraps her hand around his shaft, moving her fingers up and down, tightly grasping him. She reaches her hand up and strokes her nails against his thigh. He places his hands on her head and gently pushes her head down. His legs start to buckle as he feels the pressure start to rise. "Stop, I'm gonna come. Stop," he pants. She leans down once more to give him a quick kiss before slithering up to meet his mouth.

She kisses his mouth and straddles his body, grinding herself against his chest. "Fuck me."

He lifts her up and positions her right above him dragging his hard-on over her slit. As he enters her, she screams out. She finds a slow rhythm as she rides him, her body rising up and down. She always likes to be on top, in control of him. He wouldn't have it any other way. He steadies her body on his with his hands on her sides, quickening her pace. Her reaches up and pinches her nipple tightly. Her entire body arches back and her eyes shut tightly. He thrusts himself deeper and deeper with every stroke. She leans down and puts her hands on his shoulders, and kisses him as he moves in and out.

She is the sullied version of his perfect girl, and he knows he's in love with her here in this moment.

He flips her onto her back and continues to wiggle himself around inside her. The colliding of his pelvis against hers sends a shock through both of their bodies at the contact. She scratches deep wounds into his back, as she clutches onto him, not letting go for anything. Her lithe legs wrap around his neck, pulling him in deeper and deeper. He pinches her clit and her ass as she murmurs, "Oh yeah, fuck me, it…feels…so…good." The pressure of his orgasm is building and he pulls out completely, then thrusts back in hard, back and forth until her screams became guttural. "Come on, baby, fuck me…fuck me harder. Harder."

"Oh fuck, Blair. Fuck. I'm getting close…fuck." She pushes him off of her, and turns around and gets on all fours, looking back at him, silently commanding him. He balances his hand on the small of her back and plunges into her. He fingers her clit fast and hard, "Oh god. Oh my god. Fuck, Nate I'm cumming, Oh fuck me, fuck me, Nate." He crashes onto top of her as he comes to the sound of her whimpers of pleasure.

They lay there for a minute, catching their collective breaths. He kisses her back several times, and bites into her flesh softly, imploring her to look back at him, but her face lays buried in the comforter. He pulls out of her, and flops onto his back.

When she finally turns around and her dark blue eyes gaze into his green ones, all he can see is the sadness. The sadness and realization that this will be the last time they'll see each other like this. She looks broken, no she _is_ broken, but she still looks perfect to him.

She turns onto her other side, facing away from him. She holds out her hand. He takes her tiny hand in his big one, and grasps it tightly. The silence is deafening. They are both thinking the same thing. They have both known they will have to face the end at some point, but they don't want it to be right now. They don't have to think or talk about it right now. So they won't.

She lies there in the dark and her thoughts are overcome by confusion and uncertainty. Sometimes afterwards, when he is long asleep, she wonders if he makes love to _her_ like this. If it is as fast, as frenetic, as rough as he is with her. She wonders if he goes slowly, taking his time with his girl, making sure they don't miss any touch or any withering glance. She tortures herself with these thoughts night after night when their limbs are entwined. He makes love to her like he needs her, when in reality it is just the opposite. He does not need her, he has someone else waiting for him at home.

Blair knows she is a whore, a skank, a slut. She knows that is all she will ever be because she is the other woman. But, Nate fucks her because he wants to, and sadly she will let him because she needs to know that he wants her.

She feels him slip off the bed and leave the room. She waits for a few minutes before following him out to her living room. He sits with his head in his hands; he has pulled on his boxers. She ties the belt to her short satin robe and plops herself down next to him. He looks at her, not saying anything. She hopes he won't say anything at all, then they won't have to let go.

"This was a mistake." She winces when he says this even though she knows it is the truth.

"Maybe." She tries to keep her tone even and nonchalant.

He shakes his head. "No, it was a mistake. We shouldn't have done this."

"Well, fine, it was a mistake. This is the last time," she shrugs, no use in arguing a moot point.

"What, why?" he appears genuinely distressed about this, even though he knows it is coming.

"You just said this was a mistake," she points out incredulously. He is the king of contradiction.

"Blair, I need this. I know we agreed, but we've said this is the last time since the beginning. We said this was the last time at the engagement party. We said it was the last time at the bachelor party. We said it was the last time after I went to go register for gifts with her a few weeks ago."

"Doesn't make it right. I'm sorry but you're getting married in two weeks, and I don't think sleeping with me is particularly appropriate."

"But you've thought it appropriate for the past three years."

"I can change my mind. Why do you need me anyway, you'll have a nice girl to sleep with every night for the rest of your life," she says with a hint of bitterness. He notices.

"It's complicated." He states the obvious. She knows it is. "It's your fault you know." He doesn't face her. He doesn't want to see her reaction to his inflammatory statement.

"It's my fault you're getting married?" she snickers. He always pulls this shit on her.

"It's your fault I'm not getting married to you." He stares a hole into her bare left ring finger.

She shakes her head. "No. I refuse to be your scapegoat Nate. Sorry, not this time…" she sighs. "The timing was never right."

He wants to grab her by the shoulders and scream at her, 'the timing was never right because you never let it be right!' Instead he just whispers, "We could have been happy."

"You don't know that. But now you have a chance to be truly happy with someone else. So just forget about me. Okay? Go, get married, have a bunch of kids, go to little league games, PTA meetings, father daughter days. Enjoy it. But forget about me." She stands up and retreats back into her bedroom, shutting the door forcefully behind her.

He wishes it were that simple.


	2. the first time

_Thanks for all the reviews, I really appreciate the feedback especially since the content is a little different than what I've written before. I realized that there was a paragraph in the last chapter that was somehow written in a different tense, so I went back and changed it, sorry about that. Anyway, enjoy and keep reviewing!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the books, not the show, not the song_

_Rating: M, this story is very mature, do not read if you are not of age_

**Because the Night...**

Chapter 2: the first time

At first, there were no rules.

Then, as things got more and more complicated, certain unprecedented situations had to be addressed. Now, there were a lot of rules when it came to what they were doing. These were mostly Blair's rules, but Nate complied with them. What other option did he have?

Rule #1: Do not speak about anything except for the situation at hand. This includes talking about the past. It is not relevant anymore.

They used to have post-coital talks about their lives outside of _this thing_, but eventually the details became too much of a burden on the two of them. The details got into the way of the sex. Which was contrary to the point. It was just easier to ignore that everything and every one else existed. That way they could both have a clear mind and not worry. That way they didn't have to face their guilty consciences. They were like two random people who would come together, share a little secret, and separate as if nothing ever happened.

Just don't ask, just don't tell. Words they've learned to live by.

Rule # 2: Never acknowledge each other outside of the bedroom.

If they were in New York, they'd pretend it was just another coincidental meeting; they were just old friends from high school who did not really keep in touch. If they were meeting for a quick rendezvous in some other city, they'd pretend they did not know each other at all; they were two strangers who happened to be staying at the same hotel. Purely coincidental.

Rule #3: No saying the L word.

In the beginning, he used to whisper "I love you" after every session. He stopped saying it after awhile because the weight of the word would just hang over them like a curse, which was what they were...cursed. Anyway, by now, they both knew how the other one felt so it was unnecessary to say it aloud.

Rule #4: This is purely about the sex/fucking/banging, whatever. They don't make love. They have sex. No relationship. This means no dates, no flowers, no chocolates, no gifts. There is no hugging, no late night chats on the phone, no romantic candlelight dinners, no walks in Central Park. This makes it too personal. This is too much attachment.

Rule #5 and probably the most important rule: Once it is over, it is over. No looking back. No hard feelings. Wham bam, thank you ma'am. Nice to know you...goodbye.

--

By now, they had become very experienced at keeping their cover.

The first time had been unexpected, but very fortuitous. She, just leaving a Starbucks, chattered away on the phone as she crossed the street near his house. He, coming home from work, was not paying attention to anything around him; he just tried to push through the herd of people. She brushed past him hard, just another person in the crowd. The hot coffee sloshed out of its container, burning her hand. This was the catalyst.

"Fuck!" she shouted to herself, shaking away the hot liquid from her hand.

He turned to look at the delicate creature who could be uttering such ladylike grace and was surprised to see her. She turned her head up to look at him, and she smiled widely.

"Nate! Hey!" she called out, her pace not changing.

"Hi! Nice running into you!" he returned as she continued walking. Three years. That's how long it had been since he'd seen her.

Three seconds. That was how long their encounter lasted.

Five minutes. That was all it took for her to join him in the elevator in his building, groping him, touching him, kissing him, her mouth covering his. As soon as the bell dinged, and the doors opened to his penthouse, they were off in search of his bedroom, their clothes already tattered at the seams from all the tugging and ripping.

Ten minutes. Ten minutes was all it took for her ruby red lips to be wrapped around his dick. She leaned over him, her blue eyes shining as she moved up and down on him, her hair entwined in his fingers. Licking, teasing, sucking him. He felt like he was in high school again, fooling around with Blair. Except she had apparently learned a few things since they'd been together like this which filled him with a mixture of envy and ecstasy. He couldn't believe it was real; she was like a mythical nymph of which he had dreamt about many times.

Two hours. That's how long it took them to explore every inch of each other's bodies, panting, moaning, thrusting, shivering, fucking. Two hours was all it took to realize that the physical chemistry between them was still there. There were still sparks as their bodies melded with each other perfectly. He stared at her delicate features framed by her soft chestnut curls wanting to memorize her face forever. The soft glow from the afternoon sun filtering through his curtains caught on the fourth finger of her left hand, causing a glint of blinding light to emanate from a large canary yellow solitaire on her finger. She saw the illumination in his pupils and she shamefully slipped off the ring and placed it out of sight on his nightstand, further sealing her fate as a cheater.

It's not as if he hadn't known though. Her engagement to a dashing Swedish millionaire aristocrat was all over the society pages since it happened several months prior. Everyone in the high society circles knew about the engagement. Everyone also knew that her fiancee was a huge prick who was not only self-absortbed and arrogant, but also inconsiderate and haughty. He was also crap in bed, so in Blair's mind this act of adultery was addressing the inevitable anyway.

They never actually acknowledged it.

They rarely spoke about anything outside of the bedroom at all. He would call her and she would meet him and they would do their business. She was aware his calls were booty calls and that was okay with her because she was getting as much out of it as he was. It was a nice little arrangement they had. Bingo bango and they were done. They both understood that this could end at any time. They both understood the ramifications of it all if it got out. They both understood what was at stake.

And they did it anyway.

He cradled her in his arms that first night, knowing that their meeting was a sign. She sighed softly into his chest feeling warm and comfortable and safe for the first time in awhile. She didn't think about what was going to happen next. All she cared about was that some divine force brought Nate Archibald back to her, and if she could have him for one last night, she would because this was the way it was meant to be.

When they were with each other, it was different than with anyone else. There was nothing they couldn't do with or for each other. He lived out every fantasy with her, and she did the same.

He waited for her to end it with her fiancee. She didn't. He got tired of waiting for her, so he starting seeing other women. She never wanted to hear about them. They did not exist in her mind. Just like her fiancee did not exist in Nate's mind. Sometimes when she would be over at his house, she'd see a bra, or a pair of shoes, or a hair tie and it would turn her stomach, but she fought to keep calm. She could not be emotionally invested in this, because that would cause pain. She did not want pain for either of them.

He started seeing a woman seriously about three months into their affair. She could no longer meet with him in his penthouse. Another rule was born, rule #6: no sex in personal settings. Thus, dozens of hotel rooms in Midtown, the Financial district, the Theater district, the airport were rented out so they could keep seeing each other in private. So Blair didn't have to face the fact that there was anyone else, anyone real in Nate's life.

Finally, her engagement fizzled, like he knew it would. That guy was not right for her. She did not push for him to break up with his girlfriend, now of seven months. So he didn't. And she got involved with someone else, and so on and so forth. This is how it went on for the next two years, they both played an artful game of dodgeball, with each in a different relationship. It never worked out where they were both single at the same time. He had a sneaking suspicion that she wanted it to end up this way. That she was doing this on purpose to keep the sex exciting. He hadn't wanted it to be that way though; he wanted her to be his. But he could not force her hand or she would cut him off completely.

Then everything changed.

After meeting Blair in the bathroom at the Waverly Inn one night for a quickie, Nate had sat down for a quiet dinner with some prospective clients. That's when he met Kelly, an acquaintance of the aforementioned client. Business and pleasure did not usually mix, but if he had learned anything from Blair, he knew that the two could become intermixed. Kelly was beautiful and charming and sweet; a true blonde Southern Belle from Texas newly transplanted into New York City. She held an innocence that he had never known; that no one he knew had ever known. It was safe to say that she was the exact opposite of the girl he had been secretly fucking for the past two years. He quickly became enraptured with her. And she quickly became enamored with him. And he finally was happy with someone else.

Kelly became the rate limiting factor.

The night he told Blair that Kelly was the one, they were in the middle of a marathon night. He thought he saw a flicker of something in her eyes, but that was gone in a millisecond. She hadn't said anything; she hadn't had a reaction at all. She just turned around and fucked him so hard reverse cowgirl style he thought his dick was going to fall off. Blair had that affect on him. He never said another word about it.

After that night, he didn't call her. She assumed it was over; she assumed Kelly was satisfying every fantasy Nate had with her luscious blonde hair and big green doe eyes. So what was she to do but move on. Move on to the one person with whom she knew he would not want to see her.

He had heard from Chuck Bass that they were fucking again. He was a little proud to know that she was jealous of him being with Kelly. He was more pained to know that he had driven her back to the poison in her life that was Chuck Bass. They were always so volatile when they were together, and this time was no different. They constantly fought and then had make up sex; they had always brought out the worst in each other. It didn't last and Nate was secretly glad. Blair was over it before it even had a chance to start back up.

--

She was surprised to see his name flash onto her cell phone at 3 AM some random night a few months after his profession of his love for Kelly.

"Please, I need you. I need to touch you. I need to feel you on me," he pleaded, his voice shaking. She was his drug, and he was having serious withdrawal symptoms.

She didn't say anything.

"Open the door." She walked to her door and opened it, seeing a frazzled Nate, with bloodshot eyes and the start of a grizzly beard standing on the other side, his phone pressed against his cheek. She stood there, in the tiniest white cotton shorts and a thin t-shirt without a stitch of makeup on, and he didn't know if he had ever seen her look so beautiful. So she let him come in and he tore off her clothes, and she fucked him...hard. She bit him and she scratched him, torturing him for leaving her. Torturing him for coming back.

So, what they had wasn't quite over. This was the first rule of many broken.

At first he didn't know why he called her. He debated for an hour, lying in bed alone, before actually punching the speed dial. Then when he heard her sleepy voice answer, he almost hung up on her without saying anything. But when he heard the annoyance growing in her voice as she said, "Hello?" for the second time, he knew he wanted her. So he called. And he did it again. And again.

Sure, this was wrong. He was going to get married to a great girl. Kelly was pure, and nice and pretty. Everything he loved about Blair, Kelly did not possess. She was Reese Witherspoon, and Blair was Angelina Jolie. He felt bad for her sometimes, she just couldn't compete with the femme fatale. Blair was the sex kitten, Kelly was the dutiful wife. Kelly in all her wholesomeness, had no prowess, no confidence, especially not in the bedroom. He had to take charge every time, which he did not mind doing, but her constant questioning, "Was she good, how did he like it, was this better, was she sexy?" got really old. Blair never asked questions. She just did what she wanted. She was always in control of him, and that was the way he liked it. Blair just knew what he needed. She knew because she needed the same things.

She was also always horny, which was an added bonus.

They got more rough, more raw with each other. She dominated him, and fucked with his body and his mind. And then he went home to his fiancee. It somehow worked out very nicely. But it could not last.

They both knew this could not go on like this. No matter how many lies and secrets they could keep; it had to stop. Even though they had agreed that it was not serious, that they were just objects of lust to each other, it had to end no matter how hard it would be to let each other go.


	3. the relapse

_Thanks for the nice comments, keep them coming!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the books, not the show, not the song_

_Rating: M for mature situations and language. Don't read this if you are not of age._

**Because the night...**

Chapter 3: the relapse

Blair sits at a table in the middle of the bar, surrounded by a group of investment banker types all flirting with her and laughing at her witty commentary. And she is witty and she is charming and she is perfect. She is the apple of the Big Apple's eye tonight. But, being the queen of New York is filled with irony. Even though she is filthy rich, drinks and gifts appear out of nowhere, she never pays for anything. Even though she is successful, gorgeous, and magnetic, at the end of the day, she is still alone.

She won't think about that now, because she is not alone right now. She is the night's darling, and she is shining in her element.

He watches from a corner of the bar. He hasn't seen or talked to her since that last night they've spent together, now about 120 hours. This is probably the longest he has gone without touching her in three years. She looks more beautiful than he remembers. Her hair seems longer, darker, wavier. He can imagine the texture of it in his mouth as he kisses down her back. She appears softer, even though he knows there is nothing soft about her. Everything is rough and hard and sex. Every time she flips her head back in a fit of giggles, he is reminded that she used to laugh at his flirtations that way. Every time she lifts the beer to her lips (she drinks beer to be on an even playing field as the men she drinks with, no girly drinks here), he imagines those lips on his body. He just drinks and drinks; maybe the alcohol will blur his vision so he won't have to see her clearly anymore.

His friends notice that he is distracted, but they think that it is because he is getting married in a little over a week. They continue to mess with him with verbal jabs, but he lets it all go. He doesn't have any room in his mind to think about anything else right now; at least not while she is here in his vicinity. They don't see the girl who has captured all of his attention since strutting into the bar in her sinfully short canary yellow tank dress, immediately getting hit on by several men.

Blair is having a great time. Such a great time that she had almost forgotten how much her heart aches. Almost. The setting is PJ Clarke's, the supporting cast is a bunch of hedge fund managers from JP Morgan, and she is the center of attention. This is the way things are supposed to be. Except that she still feels like something, or yet someone is missing.

Someone sits down next to her, she barely takes notice until she notices that he doesn't talk to her. This is new. He looks at her, and nods to acknowledge that she is there, but he does not actually speak to her, instead focusing his conversation on some of the other guys at the table. He is cute, probably half asian, kind of pale, and so not her usual type. He's wearing a baby blue Lacoste shirt, jeans and a pair of boat shoes. Missing is a ring on his finger. He talks about economics and how bank stocks are dropping, but manages to be funny at the same time. She can't quite hear him, but she wishes she can.

She can't help herself, but she is staring at him. The chair makes an ugly scratching sound against the dirty floor as she scoots herself closer to him. He still has not spoken to her. This does not happen, at least not to her. She reaches out and touches his arm, and he looks back at her.

"Hi, I'm Blair." She has never introduced herself to a man. She has never had to.

"Hi Blair." He turns back to his companions, and she is momentarily shocked. She taps him on the shoulder again.

"And you are?" He turns again, looking semi-annoyed. She notices the small wrinkles etched into his brow.

"Jim, hi." He returns to his previous thought and as he pauses in mid-sentence, she interrupts.

"You're correct about the banks dropping to an all time low, but actually, it is the best time to buy those stocks because you'll make a killing when things rise back up, and they will. It's just a matter of time. And if you were smart and you shored your money, you'd be making a whole shit ton of excess interest. Really though, the gold market is where the money is...because unfortunately the dollar is like literally giong to be worthless in this economy."

He smiles, now intrigued that this girl who is so not his type is talking business and finance, and talking it well. He thought she was just some money grubbing skank who wandered over at the smell of French cuffs and custom made suits. "You're right about that." He looks at her brilliant blue eyes that dance in triumph and realizes that this girl is much more complicated than he first judged. That would be an understatement.

"Well, I'm always right. I'm Miss Right," she flirts, setting her arm close to his on the table. The other men at the table sigh, they've tried so hard and now they've got no chance.

"Well, Miss Right, can I buy you another drink?" She accepts and he gestures to the bar and she walks up there with him. He is only a few inches taller than she is in heels, but she likes that she can look directly into his light green eyes. She feels like she can trust him more this way.

Nate stares at her from across the bar, as some guy is excitedly chatting her up. He feels bad for the guy; he is not Blair's type. He waits for her to blow him off, but she looks oddly enthralled and intrigued. It's a look that he hasn't seen since they dated in high school. A look that signifies something new and exciting. He witnesses their entire exchange, and a pit forms at the bottom of his stomach when he realizes that Blair is the pursuer. He doesn't know why though. This guy is definitely not her type. _He_ is her type.

Blair laughs at something Jim has said and for the first time, she is enjoying herself with someone who is not named Nate. Jim regrets having to leave this amazing girl, the first amazing girl he has met since moving to New York City from Northern California, but he must break away since he has a bunch of briefs to read before going to court in the morning. He is an attorney at a big firm; actually, it is the same firm her father used to be partner of before he moved to France. She puts her number into his phone and he promises to call her "to chat about the state of economics." She hopes he will call. She actually wants him to call because she needs a distraction.

He calls as soon as he walks out of the restaurant and she realizes she hasn't smiled at a man like that since Nate. This is the first step in recovery.

She breaks away from her group to go freshen up. She can forget about Nate if she continues to have nights out like this. Every guy has their attention on her, every man wants to be with her tonight. Including one that she actually wants to be with. She checks herself in her compact as she waits in the line that is trailing out the door to the ladies' room. She does not notice that he has cut through the crowd to get to her.

He reaches from behind her and pulls her to him, whispering into her ear, "Hi beautiful, did you miss me? Or have you found another replacement already?" She smells the Jack on his breath, and she knows who it is even before he speaks. She knows his touch by now.

Her lips curl into a sensual smile as she grinds herself against him, feeling him hard against her backside. "Why, are you feeling threatened?" She slips a hand behind her and into the waistband on his slacks, finding what she is looking for and grabbing it, jerking it about, feeling the warmth dissipate from his core.

"Uhhh…I'm not really feeling anything right now…God, that's good…" he says as he draws in a quick gasp. He kisses her neck, and she's not sure if it is the alcohol or the feeling of his hot breath on her skin, but she starts to feel like the room is spinning. He has the worst timing, but he is here and she is horny.

"Baby, you know that no one can take your place." The strap of her dress is falling down as he starts to unzip her, before she turns around and pushes him out the back exit. Suddenly, they are in an alley, and he has her against the brick wall. It is dark, and the air is heavy and stinks of old garbage, but it doesn't matter because he is here, and he is moving her dress up. She is kissing him and unzipping his pants and then he is inside her, and they are fucking in this alley in New York City.

He thrusts up against her, leaving scratches on her back from the brick wall. His hands are threading through her hair, feeling the curls through his fingers. His forehead is on hers as they are staring into each other's eyes, their chests heaving up and down. They are trying to be as silent as possible, but it is almost impossible as they come together in the buzzing night.

He starts to say something, but she places a finger against his lips to shush him. He readjusts the straps to her dress and zips her back up. She fixes her hair and reapplies her smeared makeup. He zips himself up and although they are both sweaty and exhausted, they both head into the bar and act as if nothing has happened.

Blair heads back to the table, where most of her companions have already left. The ones that are left immediately focus on her, none the wiser to what has just taken place even though she must smell like him, and her hair is probably a mess. She sits down, but she doesn't feel like talking to them when she can see him in the corner of her eye, laughing with his friends. He winks at her. And with that look, she has fallen off the wagon back into the pit of dependency.

Everything is so easy for him, but doesn't he know that he is making it so much harder for her?


	4. the end of the innocence

_It may be a long while before I can update again, so enjoy and don't forget to review!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own the books, show or songs._

_Rating: T to M, for mature situations_

**Because the night...**

Chapter 4: the end of the innocence

Nate is right about one thing, it is her fault they aren't together.

He has given her every opportunity to be with him, just him. She has never taken it.

Actually, it is her parents fault that she cannot be with him. It's the whole Upper East Side's fault. It's Gossip Girl's fault. It's everyone else's fault but her own, or so she likes to think.

Actually, deep down, she knows it's her fault and only her fault. Blair may be a fool, but she is not an idiot.

Truthfully, Blair does not believe in happy endings. And why should she? Over the years, she has learned not to believe in the sanctity of marriage. It is hard to have faith when everything crashes down around you growing up, when matrimony is more unholy than not. The logistics of a perfect marriage just do not work out in this day and age. There's no trust. No loyalty.

Look at her parents, their marriage failed miserably as did all of those marriages of all of her best friends' parents. Her parents hate each other now, and with good reason--her father is gay, and he had several affairs while married to her mother. The point is, the hopefulness of the whole white picket fence dream was scared right out of her head, and she plans to keep it that way.

Even when she was engaged, she knew she would never be the loving, doting, Donna Reed of a wife. She could only imagine when she and Stefan would get divorced, if it was after her infidelity or his.

It is a sad commentary on her life and how she perceives things, but Blair feels very self-enlightened and she is a realist who can not deny the truth.

This was because a long time ago, Blair decided that she was not the relationship type, and thus not the marrying type. It was right around the time Chuck cheated on her for the umpteenth time when they were seniors in high school. "Love" just wasn't worth all the trouble and the pain. She decided that she would be happy on her own. She didn't need anyone else. If guys could just sleep around with anyone and have fun with no strings attached, then why couldn't she? Easy enough. Right?

Then Nate had to fuck it all up. Nate made her realize that her outlook and philosophy on love were not realistic. He made her realize that she could not be happy on her own, because he made her realize that she would only be happy with him. This was the dangerous power he had over her, so she had to keep him at bay even though he kept reappearing in her life at the most inopportune times.

The night before graduation. She had a huge bash, no, a legendary bash for everyone in their grade and even some younger kids. She was feeling pretty judicious; she'd finally gotten everything she'd wanted. Yale, a BMW, a black AmEx. Everything was perfect.

And Nate was there, looking sexy as usual. He was wasted, and she was wasted and they danced for old times sake. She grinded her butt against him and he touched her in her favorite spots. She was beyond pleased that he still remembered, but she had been a stupid teenage girl who was blinded by good looks and smooth moves. That's why she let him coax her up to her bedroom, where he convinced her that they were meant to be together that night. That they could be together one last time before they both left and started new lives apart. She had once told him that she would always love him, so why not?

The had fumbled around on her bed, their teenage sex still kind of awkward and kind of sweet with each other. But everything had just felt so right. With Nate, sex felt like new and exciting and somehow a little bit innocent, with Chuck it felt like some lascivious deed preserved for only the most experienced, and even though she talked a big game, she was not as experienced as she would have liked to believe. She always felt like she had to catch up to Chuck. Nate made her feel like she didn't have to pretend with him, that they could learn and grow and experience everything together.

But after it was over, it was over, and he went to Dartmouth to please his father, and she went to Yale, and they didn't see each other, until that fall afternoon, junior year.

She cursed Nate for even showing back up in her life. She had been doing so well without him. She would be lying if she said that she hadn't been holding out for him a little bit, but regardless, she'd done well. She dated plenty of guys, and she even had a guy she had been seeing for awhile. Then out of the blue, he showed up at Yale's homecoming game with a perfect blonde with a cute ass and great tits on his arm, and she felt the familiar twinge of jealousy.

And then they ended up in her townhouse later that evening, sans respective partners, him banging her into her kitchen counter, her desk, the sofa and her bed. She was actually ashamed it had happened, felt very guilty, because this time she was completely sober, she knew what she was doing. So did he, which made it worse. She was devastated because as long as Nate was around, she would never be able to let him go.

After the Yale rendezvous, they agreed that it was nothing, and they left it at that. She vowed to give him up and go back to living the single, free life.

She made good on that promise of giving up on Nate until they met that day she spilled coffee all over herself. That was the beginning of it all. It would always come back to him.

When they first started up their affair, Nate had tried to promise her the world, promise that he would change. He was actually one of those stupid people who believed that she would up and leave her fiancee for him if he handed out those empty promises like candy at Halloween. He was mistaken. She saw right through his reformed knight in shining armor routine. He hadn't changed at all, and she was right.

He cheated on all the girls before Kelly with her. And even after she broke off her engagement, he still saw those other women, thus cheating on her even though they weren't technically together. He could have had her, but he was not ever a one woman man. This was the problem with Nate, he always wanted to have his proverbial cake and eat it too. Things never could work out perfectly because nothing is perfect. He didn't understand this concept, and he still doesn't.

He finds his so-called perfect girl, and what does he end up doing? He ends up cheating, on her, with Blair. So he can't promise faithfulness, can he? She knews this. He cheated on her once with her best friend, and he'd probably do it again. So she will never put herself in that position again. It is much better to be the cheater than to be cheated on, in her opinion.

She will continue to sleep with him because deep down she believes that it hurts him as much as it hurts her. It probably doesn't. It probably doesn't because he can live without her and be fine.

He always says one thing that kills her. They can be happy. They could have been happy. No, that was erroneous. They could not be happy. Because nothing about the word love or loyalty is sacred to either of them, and without those two things, there could never be any trust.

So, in conclusion, it is actually Nate's fault they are not together. It is Nate's fault they are not together because Blair cannot trust him, and if he cannot be trusted, then he cannot be trusted with her heart.


	5. the great expectations

_Here's the next chapter, I am working on the next one already, so I should be updating a little more quickly. Thanks for the reviews, keep them coming. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the show, not the books._

_Rating: M, do not read if you are not of age_

**Because the night...**

Chapter 5: the great expectations

Blair hates love songs. You know, those really sappy songs that were written as an ode to the most perfect and wonderful person in the singer's life? She can't stand them. They are all filled with lies. No one is perfect. She hates those songs because she has never felt that way about anyone. One person has come close, but he is a lie, a sham. So she won't feel that way about him.

Blair also cannot deal with emotions. It has been hard for her to do so, since her parents' marriage fell apart. This is why she developed an eating disorder…because she could not cope with emotions that she could not easily control. Food was something she could control. Nate is another something that she can control, albeit not so easily.

Because she cannot effectively deal with emotions, she is a very cold woman and a control freak. Blair is now a hard woman to please, in more ways than one. She is distant and she is difficult, and she cannot give herself to anyone. She may be able to act like she is the life of the party, and that's because she usually is, but when anyone tries to get close to her, she clams up and closes herself off. No one knows her at all; how can they when she doesn't even know herself?

She has pushed away any feelings she has developed over the years into the back of her mind. It is easier to deny them than to acknowledge that they exist.

This is why she goes on a date with Jim, and has a decent time. He takes her to a ball game, which is a different kind of date for her. He is funny and he is charming and smart, but he is not what she wants. She may even go on another date with him, maybe have one too many and probably end up sleeping with him. It will not be the same. Her mind will trick her into thinking that he is trying too hard, when in reality he is not. And just as he starts to think of a future with her, she will stop returning his calls. Or she will send him a courtesy email or voice message, informing him that although he is a great guy, she is not looking for any type of relationship at all. Period. It will hurt him at first, but like all of those before him, he will eventually forget about Blair. She will have already forgotten him.

--

Whether out of guilt or pain, or knowing that things will never work out, Blair has tried to end the affair on several occasions to show him that she doesn't need him. She has been unsuccessful thus far. Whether out of pride or passion, Nate has never let her which pisses her off, furthering her desire to end it. It is a vicious cycle.

You see, Blair is not one of those stupid women who thinks that the fully attached man with whom they are carrying out an affair with will leave his wife or girlfriend for her. She is not delusional. She is fully aware of her role in this relationship. She is fully aware that at the end of it all, she will not be the one who leaves with the prize. Instead, she gets the consolation of being alone.

Over the course of their relationship growing, things started to change. She made it more mechanical because she couldn't deal with her feelings for him. She couldn't stand to hear him whisper how much he loved her because she loved him back. And she shouldn't love him back after all that had happened between them. They became serious in the bedroom, treating each act as if it were their last with each other. It was somber and dirty and turgid and tawdry, but that's the way it had to be in order to stay detached from each other.

--

December twentieth. _Mr. and Mrs. Howard Archibald request your presence at their residence to celebrate the engagement of their son, Mr. Nathaniel Archibald to Ms. Kelly Larsen._

She decides not to attend the engagement party at his parents' town home; she has been working on a freezing winter photoshoot in Central Park, and she is exhausted. Even though it is only 8 PM, and she can still make the party, she is avoiding having to come face to face with Kelly. Although Blair has never been one to shy away from confrontation, this is different. She turns on some music, draws herself a bubble bath and pops open a bottle of Veuve Clicquot to celebrate being single. After soaking for an hour, she decides that it is too late for dinner, even though her stomach grumbles in protest.

As she climbs out of the tub, her body dripping water and suds, the familiar ringtone sounds and she picks up. "Perfect timing, I'm just getting out of the tub."

"So, you're naked."

"Buck naked. How was your party? Sorry, I couldn't make it, I was working until 8 PM."

"It went fine, but everyone's gone now, including Kelly and her family."

"She didn't stay with you?" she hates that her reflexive response is to smile when she realizes that she can have him tonight.

"No, something about her parents being in town, and not being able to actually sleep over. They are pretty religious or something."

"I see," she murmurs. She looks at her nude body in the mirror and decides that she looks okay naked.

"So, are you still naked?" his tone becomes slightly husky.

"Yes, and I'm all dripping wet," her voice drops low.

"Do you think you'll need help drying off?"

"Why, are you offering?" they flirt like this sometimes, and she can imagine him smirking to himself.

"I'm always ready to service you…"

"Mmm,..well I'm hungry too, maybe you can help me with that…"

"I'm already in the car," he puts up the partition between the driver and himself, this could get very interesting. She is playful tonight. "Are you still in the bathroom?"

"No, I'm on my bed right now," she says with a sultry inflection.

"What are you doing?" his breath catches as he is imagining her bare body.

"I'm licking my index finger…and touching my neck, tracing the line you're going to kiss down to my breasts…I hope you get here soon, my nipples are hard and they want to be sucked on."

He groans, his is aroused, big time, and he is thinking about jumping out of the car, and running the several blocks to her condo. "Keep telling me what you're doing baby…"

"I'm squeezing my nipple between my wet fingers, God, it feels so good. My breasts feel so full, so soft right now." She closes her eyes and listens to him breathe in her ears.

Blair already feels flush from hearing his voice, "I have goosebumps on my skin, I want you to touch me so bad. I'm moving my way down my ribs to my stomach, feeling all the way down to where my pelvic bones jut out. I can't wait to feel your tongue on me."

"I can't wait to suck on your skin, kissing it, feeling it on my hands."

"Mmm, I'm so wet, baby. I am already so close, I need you." She whimpers.

"Touch yourself," he commands softly.

She obliges and groans into the phone. "Uhh, baby, I'm touching myself." She traces her walls, not daring to touch her clit just yet. She'll make herself wait.

"I want to suck on your clit. I want to taste you," he whispers. "Play with your clit, baby."

She touches herself and elicits a groan, she moves her fingers in a circular motion, her other hand kneading her inner thigh. She imagines he is here above her, his fingers are touching her so intimately. "Ooh, Nate…I want you inside me. I'm inside myself, slowly going in and out. It feels so good…uhhh…God. Hurry over here, I'm waiting for you to fuck me."

He inspires deeply. He wishes his fucking driver would get there already. "I'll be there soon, and I'm going to lick you from head to toe, and I'm going to fuck you until dawn." His driver finally stops, and Nate darts out towards the building, the doorman, barely having enough time to let him in.

He fiddles with his key, his hands shaking. She can hear him from the bedroom, and she starts rubbing herself more fiercely. He enters her bedroom and sees her, naked on her bed, touching herself. He walks over to the bed, and takes her hand away from her, kissing it and tasting her. He leans down and kisses her hard as she removes his shirt and pants.

Then she is sitting up between his legs and he is latched onto her breasts, pinching and groping as he sucks the other. She pulls off his underwear, freeing his hard-on. He reaches down and rubs her mound fast, and her eyes clench shut. She starts to bounce on his hand, and he knows she won't be able to hold it in much longer. He lays down and positions her above him, licking rapidly as her legs buck over him. She wriggles her body to and fro, holding his head between her legs. He is torturing her with the quick strokes of his tongue, and the thrusts of his fingers inside her. He swings her body around, and she takes him in her mouth, all the way, while he still works on her. She sucks on his balls one at a time, and licks the base of his penis up the shaft as it twitches. "You are so hot, Blair. Fuck, you are so fucking sexy."

She quickens her pace, sucking on him hard. Her hands are clenched on his butt, and she is trying to steady him so he will not collapse. His tongue darts in and out and she is soon screaming in pleasure as the orgasm moves all over her body. He continues to touch her clit, massaging it, softly biting it as she moans with him in her mouth. He pushes her body off him, "Lay down on your back."

She eyes him suspiciously as she touches her breasts. Her chest is moving up and down with labored breaths. He takes her leg and stretches it out, kissing her toes and the top of her foot up to her thighs and to her mound again. Her body is thrashing about, reacting to his touch. He kisses up her stomach, ribs and breasts, paying equal attention to each one. He reaches her collarbone when she leans down and kisses him. He picks her up so that she is on her knees between his legs again, and he positions her above his stiff dick. She grinds herself against him, taking him inside her, screaming with the surge of pain that she feels. He holds her up and she wraps her arms around his neck as she moves up and down on him, starting off slowly, then moving as quickly as possible. "Harder…harder…" she says over and over into his ear.

He tries to push himself in her harder, each thrust more forceful than the last. She feels his balls bouncing up against her ass, which he has in his hands. He takes her breast into his mouth as she rises and falls over him. She moans his name over and over, staring into his eyes as she rides him hard. He has to grab the headboard behind her to make more momentum for him. She feels so tight around him still, and he pushes into her. She feels like she will explode.

"I'm close Blair, are you close?" He removes the hair from her face and she nods, not breaking the gaze with his lovely green eyes. He puts his arms on her side and helps her rock up and down on him, holding her up so that he is almost completely out, and then pulling her back on top of him.

"Oh yeah…oh yeah…" She squeezes at his shoulder blade and bites it as he comes inside her.

They collapse onto each other and lay there for awhile not saying anything. She does not look at him. Instead she thinks about how his engagement party was tonight, and how he was ruining any attempt at normalcy she could ever have. She is in love with him. And the realization is killing her.

She says with a shaky voice, "I can't keep doing this."

He nods as she continues, "It's not fair."

He doesn't question her, but he wonders not fair to whom. It's not fair to her because he's getting married? Or it's not fair to him because she was the one would didn't want to actually be with him? Regardless, neither are bound to be happy.

"Are you expecting an apology?"

Her eyes flash, "I don't expect anything."

They both know that's a lie. He expects her to love him. She expects him to be there. Relationships become complicated when there are expectations, and unfortunately for the two of them, their relationship has been complicated from day one.


	6. the big gamble

_Thanks for all the reviews! Keep them coming, they really do encourage me to write more quickly._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the books, not the show_

_Rating: very mature, please don't read if you are not of age_

**Because the night...**

Chapter 6: the big gamble

Blair was not always callous. She used to care what others thought of her. But she became very good at lying and cheating, she stopped caring. She had told herself she would end it with Nate, but somehow that didn't happen.

At first it had been semi-difficult to hide her affair with Nate from her fiancee. She was so paranoid all the time; every look he gave her, every statement, she read into everything. She had hated the way she felt, and thus enacted all those rules regarding their affair. She did not want to have attachments; she did not want to feel remorse or pain or guilt because that would mean that what she was doing was wrong. And it was not wrong, when it felt so right.

And her guilt didn't stop her from meeting with him several times a day.

Throughout her unfaithfulness, she was convinced that he was on to her, but he was dense. Stefan and he was fabulously wealthy and good looking, but he didn't really care about her, and she didn't really care about him, so the affair had become very easy to hide. It was almost an afterthought. This was why she had to break it off. It had been too easy for her to cheat on him, and she knew her life would end up like that of many other UES wives before her, and she would not submit herself to that sentence. As far as the other men after were concerned, she had a great poker face and luckily her job as a fashion consultant afforded her many out of town trips and late nights at the office that were easy alibis for her nights with Nate.

When they first started their tryst, it was fun. They laughed openly with each other. He tickled her and tackled her onto the bed. That was when there was less of a gamble, less of a risk at stake. When their feelings weren't all in.

--

She sits at the bar at Aureole, watching as the girls scale the impressive wine tower right in front of her, their zip lines sending them up several flights to grab expensive bottles of wine. She picks up her own glass of Merlot, and lets the cool liquid hit her ruby red lips. She has been waiting for about ten minutes now, and normally this would annoy her to no avail, but she is in a different city, capturing the attention of a lot of different men, and she doesn't mind. Las Vegas is called Sin City for a reason, and she will be doing her share of sinning tonight.

She is wearing a red dress that hugs her body in most of the right places, and definitely all of the wrong places. The bartender informs her that many patrons have offered to pay for how ever many drinks she chooses to have. She smiles demurely at him, and tosses her long brown hair over her shoulder, teasing them all just a little bit more. She politely declines their offers, she is waiting for a specific person tonight. The bartender is clueless, and he thinks that he can instead woo this woman off her feet, and so he hovers around her, flirting with her, getting her free drinks. She plays along just because she can.

When he finally walks into the restaurant, she can tell he is already very drunk. It is after all the night of his bachelor party, planned by Chuck, so God only knows where they've been. He is very drunk, but not so drunk that he can't find her at the bar. He takes a seat next to her, and signals to the bartender, without so much as looking at her. She barely sends so much as a glance his way.

He lifts his jack and coke to his mouth and drinks it fast. He only has a few minutes before Chuck starts to wonder where the hell he is. He is surprised at himself for even orchestrating an escape to go and meet her. He finally looks at her from the corner of his eye, and his insides groan. She is incredible in a red dress, with red lips. She looks back at him and smiles mischievously with her eyes.

He tosses a bill on the bar, and nods to the bartender. Before he slides off the stool, he pulls out a plastic room key and places it down in front of her with a loud clack. Her eyebrows raise as she takes the key in her hand, and tucks it in her purse. He leans in and whispers, "Midnight."

She nods and he leaves the restaurant quickly. She turns back to the bar, where the bartender is staring at her. She knows what this looks like. She knows that he and probably some of the other customers think she is a high class call girl. And she supposes that she kind of is, of some sorts. Her cheeks flush a little bit, and this is the first time she has felt like she's been caught red-handed doing something she shouldn't be doing. As he stares at her, she is embarrassed, and she decides that this is it.

--

Nate is now so drunk he can barely stand. The clock is just about to chime midnight, and he is rushing back to his room before he turns into a pumpkin. He is somehow still able to find his way back to his Palms suite…alone, while Chuck entertains the three strippers and two Playboy Club waitresses he has met during the festivities. He opens the door to find Blair waiting for him in a bathrobe, laying on her side on the couch. She stands up with a sober look on her face which he does not notice. All he can think about are those long legs wrapped around him. He walks to her, and rips the robe open to reveal an insanely slutty sailor outfit underneath, complete with fishnets, garters. He likes that sometimes she will dress up for him, and he pretends that he is the only one whom she does this little role playing bit with. He kisses her, not realizing how much he has missed the feeling of her body against him until just now.

She sits him down and ties him to a chair. What happens in Vegas…right? She will end it tonight, but for now she'll have her fun. After all, she has to get hers, too. She makes slow, writhing movements over his body, starting the best striptease/lap dance he's ever received. She leans over low in front of him, the tops of her ample breasts in the perfect position in which to bury his mouth. She straddles him, and slowly unties every ribbon, bow, fetter that is on her body, threading them behind his neck. She removes his clothing bit by bit as her clothing slips off her body. She sits on his lap, reaching her arms behind his head, letting him kiss her hair and the nape of her neck, letting him breathe her in. She turns her head to look behind her at his lustful eyes. When she is left with only a halter bra and thong, she undoes his restraints, and he holds her down to kiss her and touch her. She doesn't let him have his way yet; it is much too soon. She struts over to the pool, and dives in him in close pursuit. When she emerges from underneath the warm water, her hair matted around her face, he takes her into his arms and kisses her the way she deserves. There is something about the water that makes her seem so vulnerable to him and he can't get enough. She groans as he slips his fingers into her underwear, pushing them off underwater. The coolness of the water feels so good creating a different kind of friction between their bodies. He releases her from her bra and she is in the balcony pool naked, for every other hotel guest to see, but she doesn't care. She doesn't care because he is kissing her, his tongue is clashing with hers, and she can taste the booze and smoke from earlier in the night. His fingers are inside her, and all over her body, and his mouth is on her neck and her ears and her breasts. He is suddenly inside her, and her knees are feeling weak, so she breaks contact and swims over to the steps leading out of the pool, laying her back against them for leverage as she pulls him inside her once again. She wraps her legs around his torso to decrease the friction and it feels so good. His eyes are closed, he is biting his lip with every hard thrust. She moans and grits her teeth and she feels so dirty, but she likes it because she knows he does.

When they are finished, he pulls her out of the pool, shivering, dripping wet and wraps a towel around the both of them, drying her off first. Her body, although bare and just out of the water, feels warm against his bare flesh. She has goosebumps running up and down her arm, as he moves them to the bedroom, where he lays her down under the covers and starts the entire process over again.

Afterwards, she turns on her side to go to bed, and he whispers "I love you," when he thinks she is asleep. A single tear escapes her eye and disappears into the goose-down pillow, never revealing itself to anyone else but her.

--

The next morning, he wakes up to a feeling of warmth on his nether regions. He opens his eyes and looks under the covers to find Blair kissing him and taking him into her mouth, her tongue twisting over his head fast, licking up his shaft. Her fingers dig into his sides as she steadies herself. She softly nips at him and he is jolted awake then. He tells her not to stop, that he is so close, and she obliges, taking him deeper into her mouth. She moans as best she can, she loves that she can please him. He pushes her head deeper and deeper onto him and before he knows it, he starts to see stars and then he is blinded as he comes. He looks down at her, as she releases her grip on him. She slithers up his body, giving him a quick peck on the chest.

As they lie there together in the early Vegas morning, she finds the courage to tell him that this is it. He doesn't say anything, he doesn't put up a fight. She gathers up her things and sneaks out before Chuck comes in to look for him, and she doesn't look at him. If she looks at him, she may be tempted to come back, and she just can't. This is the end.

He is not worried about her leaving or telling him that it is over. He is not concerned in the slightest. She's done this before, she'll probably do it again. He knows that she needs him just as much as he needs her, and that she will come back. He isn't able to just quit her, and he knows she feels the same.


	7. the something old, the something new

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the show, not the books, nothing._

_Rating: M, do not read if you are not of age_

**Because the Night**

Chapter 7: the something old and the something new

The side everyone can see is the public side. She is brilliant at what she does, but she lacks any sort of warmth or compassion towards anyone. Her employees are intimidated by her. Her clients sort of fear her in the way people fear greatness. She has gotten use to the persona she has created for herself. She had only allowed one person to see the real person beneath the icy exterior. She was once able to be herself around him, but that changed over the course of their affair. She used to be able to laugh with him. As his wedding date nears, there's not much for her to find funny anymore.

As opposed to the cold hard bitch Blair Waldorf that everyone else knows, Nate only knows the bedroom boudoir Blair, the sensual, sexy woman who has bedded him for the past three years. He can only imagine how different she is in her everyday life.

He is the person to blame for this dichotomy. He is to blame because he has found someone whom he loves that is not Blair. She resents him for this. She knows she can't love anyone like she loves him, but she cannot fully love him because he hurts her time and time again. It is complicated, life is complicated, but Blair has learned to accept reality.

She hates that he has found his soul mate so easily. She hates that it is not her. She hates that she was sitting at home, just nights before his wedding actually thinking about calling Chuck of all people. She hates a lot of things about Nate, actually. The thing she hates most of all is how he makes her feel, and how he will continue to make her feel long after he is gone.

--

She is adjusting the bustle of a gown on a very thin bride when he sees her through the shop window. Her perfectly curled hair is tied back loosely at nape of her neck, but several sections of hair have come undone and frame her face as she kneels down to fluff out the dress. She is wearing skintight dark jeans, and a skimpy white top with glittery black straps that criss-cross in the back. She looks like she's ready to go clubbing, but this is Blair. She always stands out. She stands up straight and admires her work and the young woman trying on her gown is transfixed at the sight of her wedding dress.

Blair has done it again, she's found another perfect dress for her client. This is what Blair does. Blair creates perfection. She has to make perfection because her life is far from perfect.

She has been so preoccupied with finding the perfect gown for this bridezilla, who has been displeased with everything she has picked from the boutiques on Madison, from Vera Wang to Monique Lhullier, she has not noticed that a very good looking man and his equally attractive fiancee are approaching the Reem Acra boutique in Soho in which she is currently standing.

He has never seen her in this element. Her work element. He knows very little about what she actually does for a living, except that she is a celebrity fashion consultant, and she makes a lot of money doing it. He has caught a glimpse of her while Kelly has watched those stupid entertainment news programs talking about the latest styles. He always pretends to be reading the paper when she comes on, but he tries to pay attention. Anything to learn more about the woman he knows so little about, yet knows the most intimate details, like the face she makes just before she's about to climax or the guttural moans she makes when he is touching her.

"This looks great, Suze, really, you look amazing. The dress makes your breasts look huge, which I suppose was the intended affect of your boob job, but not so huge that they look tacky and cheap. The corset is perfect to make you appear super skinny in the waist area which is what we want...but please lay off the visits to Canter's for now, okay? And the thinner bustle downplays your hips, which need it." She is brutal, but she knows what she is talking about. She has learned this skill for making people feel like shit and then love her from her mother.

She waits expectantly, tapping her foot, which she knows she should not do, but it is a nervous tic. LA people, so indecisive, so slow. Where does Suzie think she is, stuck on the 10?

Her client, some daughter of some very high powered William Morris agent, has been miserable to work with. She cocks her head and looks into the mirror, finally smiling widely, "This is the one, this is it, I love it!" Hallelujah, Blair thinks. She jumps up and down and gives Blair a huge hug. Blair grins and hands the salesgirl the bride's black AmEx, and the salesgirl grins because of the huge commission and everyone is happy.

She turns her head as the door opens and the last person she would expect to see holds the door open for a beautiful blonde girl who looks prim and proper in a low cut black top, with gold tank underneath, as to not show off too much cleavage, and A-line black knee length skirt. She had no idea he was marrying a librarian.

"Nathanial." She says slowly and deliberately, striking first. She always puts herself in the less vulnerable position, that is something she has learned from her mother. She doesn't appreciate the fact that they are here. She does not need this aggravation right now.

"Blair," he says back just as slowly. He imagines her on his bed, naked and screaming his name. It is funny that he has seen that sight of her rather than the normal everyday clothed Blair.

"Oh my God. Blair as in Waldorf!?" Nate's fiancee shrieks in recognition. She hits him on the arm playfully, and states with her perfectly inflected Texas drawl, "This is Blair? Ohmigosh, it is so nice to meet you, I've heard all about you."

Blair shrugs, it's nice to be recognized sometimes even if the situation is less than optimal. "Oh, I'm sure not all about me." He glowers at her as a warning. "You must be Kelly. It is nice to finally meet you." She shakes Kelly's hand gracefully. Blair shows much more restraint than he ever imagined she could. Maybe this is because he doesn't really matter to her. That is sad to him if it is true.

"This is so great," she giggles. "You're a legend. I mean, my friends and I love it when you do those columns in Cosmo, you have the cutest tips. And to find out that Nate knew you, I have been begging him to let me meet you for months now. I could have definitely used your help during all the wedding planning."

"She's very busy, we've hardly kept in touch much at all, just seeing each other here and there," Nate states before Blair can say anything. She hates how protective he is of his future wife, sparing her feelings at any expense. He wouldn't do that for Blair; her feelings have never been considered.

"Oh, well I wouldn't have minded. I would have loved to help you with the wedding…although they aren't particularly my forte," she lies, although she doesn't know why. Weddings are her bread and butter. Somehow not believing in love or in marriage has allowed her to become very good at planning and styling these exact events. Irony, gotta love it.

"Doesn't look like it, that dress is incredible on you, by the way," Kelly says to the bride who is still admiring her gown in the mirrors. The bride cannot wipe the smile from her face.

"Nate, did your mother tell you that I ran into her at the Lincoln Center benefit luncheon yesterday?" He shook his head no. "She invited me and Serena to the rehearsal dinner, I hope you don't mind." Her words are even, and he knows that she is using the Blair PR persona.

"Mind, of course we don't mind! The more the merrier." Kelly gives Blair a hug and Blair stands there stiffly, stunned by her gesture. She sure is friendly. Nate winces, he knows his lover is judging his choice very thoroughly. It's not looking good for Kelly right now. They detach and Blair smoothes out her clothing. Kelly is oblivious, "We're actually here to pick up my tiara and veil, so I'm gonna do that." Blair almost snickers at the word 'tiara,' but the look on Nate's face tells her that shouldn't be making any fun of his fiancee. She hates this.

"Well, fancy meeting you here," Blair says, standing up on her tiptoes, a hard feat to do in her Christian Dior gladiator heels. "She sure is perky and excited and talks at a high decibel!" she feigns excitement in her voice. "I'll bet you guys are going to have a reading of Corinthians at your wedding, aren't you…?" she teases.

"Be nice." He leans into her and whispers, "I think I may have to work late tonight, and you are completely fuckable right now. I want you tonight."

Blair's lips curl up into a smile. This is a dangerous game he is playing, but luckily she has always been very good at challenges. She suppresses the urge to grab his black tie and pull him in so she can smell his aftershave. She doesn't respond, but her eyes sparkle and he knows where he'll be tonight.

Kelly bounces back over to the two of them, "Blair! I have a great idea!"

Blair raises her eyebrows. She'll be the judge of that.

"We were going to lunch after this, if you're not too busy, would you like to come with?"

Blair looks at Nate, who looks stoic.

"Well, sure, my next appointment is at 2, so I have a little bit of time." She smiles a little too coyly.

--

This is how she is sitting with Nate and Kelly in the busy dining room at Pastis as Kelly is excitedly telling a story with her hands about how wonderful growing up in Texas is. Blair tries to hate her, she really does, but Kelly actually seems to be a very nice and sweet girl. She has a youthful exuberance that doesn't exist in people who grow up the way Blair and Nate did. Blair cannot believe she thinks this…she certainly has changed a lot since her youth.

She feels a hand creep up her thigh. She pretends to check under the table for her purse, when she is looking to see the position of his foot. She pushes her bare foot against his leg, running it up under his pants, feeling his leg hairs tingle against her skin. His hand reaches her inner thigh and he squeezes it gently, and she turns and smiles at Kelly, commenting on something about horse riding or big hair or whatever they do in Dallas. He rubs her through her pants, and she pushes his hand away. She steadies her breathing as she comes close to losing it, and she digs her sharp heel into Nate's leg to let him know.

Her plate of Seared Tuna Nicoise salad appears in front of her, and she gasps in pleasure upon seeing it, drawing a strange look from the server. She breathes as her muscles contract against Nate's hand. He removes it, and excuses himself to go make a phone call to the office, giving her a sly wink as he walks away.

"So, now that Nate is gone…you can tell me what he was like in high school…His mother told me you dated back then."

Blair looks at her, "Oh, well it was a long time ago, we lost touch after college…" She somehow doesn't think that Nate has even told her anything about all the trouble they used to get into, or rather he would get into…the drugs, the booze, the girls. She is sure he does not want to sully himself in Kelly's perfect eyes.

"Oh, no, it's okay. I don't mind at all, we've all got past boyfriends and girlfriends right? He just never really talks about his childhood that much, and I'm dying to know what he was like," she says it with such conviction that Blair resents her for being so open.

"He was a sweet kid, kind of awkward, always perfectly dressed in Brooks Brothers by his nanny, was captain of the lacrosse team, loved sailing, very easily swayed by his friends, especially Chuck. I assume you've met him. He's the best man."

"Yes, he tried to sleep with several bridesmaids, and some of their mothers."

Blair laughed, "That is Chuck Bass for you. But, Nate was, is a great guy."

"Are you talking about me?" he slides smoothly into his seat and flashes that Archibald smile that has become so familiar. Before Blair can come up with a seductive quip, Kelly answers.

"Only the lascivious details about your childhood…"

A look of panic washes over him, but Blair chimes in, "Yes, your scandalous Brooks Brothers past." Kelly laughs and squeezes his hand on the table, and Blair hates herself at that moment.

She has imagined this moment a million times in her head, when she would meet Kelly. She imagined that she would be a horrible waif of a person, who would be ill-mannered and bitchy and condescending. She is none of those things. She is cute and egregious and kind, and she is so unpretentious that she eats a huge steak and onion sandwich at lunch and finishes it (no New York woman would ever dare do that), she loves animals, and is so nice to Blair when she doesn't have to be. Unfortunately, Blair realizes that the person she was imagining is actually closer to herself.

Nate belongs with this girl because she is sweet and good. Nate belongs with her because she is not Blair, and she will never be Blair, and that is the best thing he could ever do.


	8. the last night

A/N: Sorry it has been so long since I've updated, I've been busy with school, job interviews, flying all over the place, etc. I haven't had any time to watch GG regularly, nevertheless write about it. I'm going to try to wrap this one up asap, but I'm kind of working on some non-related GG stuff right now, so we'll see. I'm not even sure if anyone is reading this anymore, but if you are, I hope you enjoy...don't forget to R&R and let me know how I'm doing.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rating: M, very M, don't read unless you're of age

**Because the Night**

Chapter 8: the last night

At least she looks fabulous wearing a silk leopard print Tory Burch dress, even if she feels completely shitty inside. Nate cancelled their meeting last night, Kelly needed some help with some wedding thing. This slightly ticks Blair off, but what can she really do? She does have to get used to Nate not being there at her beck and call anymore. Maybe, she will just have to invest in some mechanical stimulators to take his place. Who is she kidding, take his place?

She sits at a cozy table for two at Le Bernardin, already working her way through her second glass of wine. Yes, this is supposed to be a business meeting, but she is getting agitated, sitting here, trying to stave off the advances from her new client, some eighteen year old "actor" who has just starred in a sleeper hit about vampire street dancing or something. Not that she isn't flattered, but really? He is dressed like some sort of street thug, his pants are ill-fitting, his dress shirt looks like some sort of garment you'd find on the streets of Newark, not New York. She guesses this is why his management has sent him to her. And really, the kid is good looking and has a nice body, he just hasn't had anyone to show him the way of fashion. This will be an easy paycheck.

She has to give him an A for effort though. He has used every pick up, compliment he can think of, and who can blame him. Blair is hot. That's the problem with women like Blair, they know they are too good for most men, and they have no problem letting everyone else know it.

An excited teenage girl comes up to their table, fawning all over her client, asking for a photo and autographs. What a teenage girl is doing at Le Bernardin, Blair doesn't know. She does know that this little brat is staring daggers at her. Blair wants to tell her to shove off. Instead she puts her arm around her client, what was his name again, Eric? Merek? Something. The tweenie bopper grabs her picture and huffs off. Blair removes her hand. She has reached an all time low.

"Sorry, the fans, they can get really crazy sometimes." She wants to wipe the shit-eating grin off his smug little face.

"Oh, I bet." She is about to call for the check, she's had enough for one night. All these young hollywood types, they are all the same.

"So, where were we? Oh yeah, a few of my boys are going on at Waverly tonight, wanna go?"

She looks at him blankly. His boys? Does she look like someone who just goes out to hang with somebody's boys? She drinks the rest of the wine in her glass. "No, thank you. I have a very busy day ahead of me tomorrow. I have a big photoshoot for one of my clients, and a rehearsal dinner to go to in the evening."

"What? Come on, just come and have some drinks with me. We can celebrate my new stylist?" He puts his hands on hers, and she can almost see why teenage girls are into him.

A tall guy walks up to their table. Her companion looks up, "Did you want an autograph or a picture or something?"

Nate looks at him as if to say, 'Who are you and why should I want your autograph?' "Umm, no." He directs his inquiry at Blair, "What a strange coincidence, having dinner at the same restaurant. We're running into each other everywhere." She looks up at him, not actually surprised to see him. She doesn't know how he does it, but he is able to track her throughout the city of Manhattan, when most of her personal assistants can't even get that job done.

"Indeed, Nate, very strange. I apologize, but I'm in the middle of a business meeting." She is still kind of angry at him and he can tell by her abrupt demeanor. She's like a wounded lioness. She'll make him want it…and luckily for her she has what he wants.

He looks at the kid's hands clasped over Blair's and snickers. "Looks that way. Well, I'll let you get back to your meeting, come find me when you're about to leave."

"Who was that guy," Merek asks, slightly off put by Nate's demeanor.

"Oh, no one," she sighs, "No one at all."

-----

She hates herself. She is standing in her penthouse, in front of her floor length mirror as Nate is kissing his way down her neck. He reaches underneath her dress and pushes her panties aside, feeling the instant wetness in response to his expert hands. "Mmm…" he murmurs in her ear.

Her dress is slowly sliding down her body to reveal her black lace bra and thong. He is staring at their reflection in the mirror. "God, you are sexy." She can feel him against her, hard, solid. Ready.

He cups her breasts underneath her bra and pushes them up, the two fleshy mounds swelling up. He pulls down the fabric of the bras and pulls the straps halfway down her arms. It is her turn to moan. He pinches her right nipple just the way she likes it, and she gasps for air. She is watching their every move in the mirror, and it is turning her on double time.

He slips off her bra straps and removes the garment. She is topless, and his hands are all over her breasts. He leans down to suck and lick each one as she watches him slowly trace circles around each of her very sensitive, very aroused nipples. He knows just how she likes it. Her hands pull his head close, stroking his hair and his face. He has his arms wrapped around her torso, her skin is so taut and tanned. He takes a small bite of her abdomen, pushing her dress all the way off her lithe body. She kicks it to the side. He kneels in front of her touching her skin, caressing her legs, feeling her tremble beneath his fingers. He kisses her shins and the backside of her knees, taking his time. Time is for and against them.

He licks the insides of her thighs and she purrs in his hands. His eyes meet hers in the mirror's reflection and she can see the very naughty look in his. He sticks his tongue out and licks her long and hard through the lacy fabric of her panties which already soaked with her pleasure and anticipation. She lets out a loud moan, and she has to steady herself against the wall to keep from falling. Her legs are shaking and she is watching him in the mirror, and he is biting her through her panties and she wants him to fuck her. There are a million thoughts zipping through her brain, but none of them are telling her to stop this.

"You taste so good," he says licking her inner thighs. Her eyes are fixed on him, and she is rubbing her nipples, rolling them between her fingers. He finds a woman who can take care of herself and touch herself so sexy. He quickens his pace, using his hands on her backside as support. His face is buried between her legs, and she is squirming above him. She holds his head in place as he starts to lick her clit through the lace hard. The material rubbing her is really getting her off, but she wants to feel him on her. She yanks her panties to the side, and she can feel his stubble scratching against her recently waxed skin.

"Oh God, oh Nate." He feels the contractions on his tongue before he can stop and look at her face in the mirror as she comes. She lets out a sigh and releases the grip on his hair.

She starts to slip her thoroughly soaked thong off, but he stops her. "Keep it on." She puts her foot on his shoulder and pushes him down the floor, landing on top of him. She kisses him, tasting herself on his tongue. His hands grope her body and find their way back to her quivering walls.

"Mmm, touch me there, Nate." He obliges, inserting a finger inside her as his other hand works on her clit, rubbing it, pinching it. "Ahh, uhh, uhh, Nate," she makes sounds that are completely guttural. He rolls her onto her back and leans down to start the entire process over again. His fingers knead her ass, and he can feel her contract herself at the proximity of touch. He reaches his hand up to touch her breasts, but instead she takes his hand and sucks on each of her fingers, taking each one deep into her mouth. He moves faster with his other hand, rubbing her clit and she comes again, thrashing around against his face.

"My turn," she smirks.

"No, you don't have to, I want to take care of you tonight."

"When have I ever not wanted to?" He has had a raging hard on, and he feels unbelievable relief as she releases it, unbuckling his belt and slipping his pants off. He sits him in a club chair, as she leans in front of him, taking him all into her mouth. He groans as her warm mouth surrounds him, putting just enough pressure on him to make him dizzy. He watches her in the mirror as she watches herself, licking the underside of his shaft, taking his whole length inside her. She is on her knees, knelt between his legs, moving her head back and forth on his shaft. She is so dirty; she can't take her eyes off his in the mirror. She nips at the head of his penis and then takes his testicles in her mouth one at a time, exerting warmth and pressure that makes him start to moan. He shoves her head back onto his dick, and she expertly sucks and squeezes him with her mouth. He holds her head there as she moves up and down on him, faster and faster and faster.

"Blair, I'm gonna…" he tries to push her off of him, but she has a steel grip on him with her mouth, sucking. "Blair…" he breathes as he cums in her mouth. She swallows and removes herself. She climbs onto the chair, straddling his dick with her legs. She kisses him slowly, letting him taste himself. His finger is right back to her clit, stroking her as she moves herself over his penis. She is ready to fuck him.

She pushes his head between her breasts and he kisses and sucks on her nipples. She can feel him starting to get hard underneath her. He grabs her butt and traces a circle around her taut hole, making her gasp. He is definitely standing at full attention now. She positions herself over him and lowers herself onto him. "Ahh, fuck, Nate.." She starts riding him real slow, his eyes are closed and his arms are around her, helping her fuck him. She picks up the pace, she just wants him all inside her, fucking her insides raw. She is bouncing up and down, almost to the point of releasing him, but she is grinding herself and holding his head against her body. It isn't enough, she needs it harder.

He pulls her into a standing position. She leans with her hands against the wall as he fucks her from behind, thrusting himself harder and harder inside her. He grabs a breast from behind, and has his arm wrapped around her, almost lifting her off the ground with each thrust. "Oh God, harder, Nate," she cries out. "Nate! Oh my god, yeah, fuck me…ohh baby, yes." He moves in and out of her as he keeps fucking her hard.

"You want it Blair?" he growls.

"Mmm, yes, I want you."

"Tell me how much you want me."

"Ooh, Nate, I love it when you fuck me hard."

He quickens his thrusts, careful not to hurt her, but he is almost ready. "I'm gonna cum, Blair."

"Cum in me, Nate." He looks at her face in the mirror as she squeezes down on him. He shoots his load deep inside her and they collapse together on the floor of the hotel room.

Afterwards, they do something they haven't done in awhile, they kiss and make out like a couple of crazy kids who are in love. Ironic, because they aren't. She lies in his arms, holding him tight to her, hanging onto him like it is the last night they'll ever be together. And maybe, just maybe that's because it is.


End file.
